This beginning-to-end walkthrough can help you avoid mistakes, deal with a narcissist, and save you from more problems down the line.
Now I’m going to talk about common problems that you can face with a narcissist.
Let’s just go through it from the beginning to the end.
In the dating phase don’t ignore red flags
– See if she takes accountability or if she’s someone that just blames constantly. Don’t be Hasty. Don’t move in early.
– In the beginning you also will not know who she truly is. She’s not going to show her true colors until you know her for a while.
– Don’t commit to anyone who won’t commit themselves. So someone who acts single while being in a relationship with you.
– Don’t let lust be a reasoning factor. Don’t let it cloud your judgment.
– See if she has some kind of victim mentality
– See if she’s associating herself with the feminist movement. That’s generally a sign that she is having a victim mentality
– You can test her. You can say “no” over small things just to see she is passive aggressive afterwards
In a relationship
– When it comes to money they may act entitled to your money. So realize your money is not theirs. Keep your money on your account don’t use shared accounts or don’t keep your money on a shared account. Don’t tell how much you have or how much you make.
When it’s time to get rid of her
– She becomes physical. She’s starting to become violent towards you.
– She makes threats
– She mocks
– She cheats
– She walks over you
– She lies
– She makes false allegations
– She slanders you with lies around other people
– She’s unpleasant to be around
– She gaslights you
– She antagonizes you
– She disrespects you
– She gives you crazy making circular conversations
– She is passive aggressive
There’s a lot more but I think if that’s the general theme of how she is then I think it’s time to get rid of her.
Avoid Work Destruction
– Don’t include her into your work life
– Don’t tell here where you work, what you do.
If she if she has huge dissatisfaction about her own work then don’t bring her into your own field. You can make her work for you and give her money for doing things that you need to be done but do not bring her into your work life. also don’t let her distract you from your work.
Why you stay
– You have a high tolerance for BS
– You think you can change the other person
– You try to improve or fix the relationship that they break or damage. It’s not your responsibility. If they damage the relationship that’s on them.
– They guilt or blame you for their behavior
– You hope it gets better or you hope they’ll change and you expect different behavior from who they are and how they behave and what they have shown you a million times.
– You might accept good treatment after they gave you bad treatment. So every single time they did something horrible they might have come back to you and gave you something small that you accept. Maybe it was a small gift. Maybe it was a nice gesture. Maybe it was a nice meal or something else. By taking that you essentially also accept the bad behavior previously. So you can not accept something good after someone did something horrible. They need to apologize and take accountability, that’s what’s important. Not try to buy you out with a small nice gesture.
– You won’t acknowledge all the bad parts of her. So maybe you only acknowledge the good parts or you only want to look at the good parts. You might only look on the positive so you ignore the whole range of who someone is. You don’t acknowledge all the bad parts and who they are. So if they lie, they are liar. If they cheat their cheater. If they become physical they’re violent. So that’s who they are as well. They are not just a few positive things that you see but they’re the whole range. Maybe you only acknowledge the positives.
Emotional reasons for not leaving
– Fear of being alone
– Fear of not finding another person
– Maybe she gives you guilt. She may shift blame and tries to make you feel guilty so that you stay. She could also send you messages about how she might harm herself. So you feel feel guilty if you decide to leave
– Fear for your life potentially through threats
Moving out
– The best is to move out while she’s not around. To not bring it up either. Look for places that you can stay. Hotel, friends, family, hostels, you can look for a new apartment but if it’s very urgent then just go for a quick solution
Afterwards
The focus should be on building yourself up again. Mentally, physically, emotionally.
– You can do that by working out and also looking at what you eat. Focus on your work. Look at how you can contribute or bring value to others. Not just in work but in general. I think that also makes it easier to connect with other people. Help someone out here, or help someone out there.
– Journaling is good. Include that into your day.
– Maybe you were kept in isolation or your support network was attacked. I think it’s important that you step back out. Talk to other men. Talk to strangers, in real life, on the internet, on the phone. Start being around people again because isolation is overall not good for you.
– They might be lying. I think most people don’t care too much but if it comes up you can let other people know call her out for who she is.
What might drive drive you back
– If you keep open channels in any form then they can reach out to you and makes it easy for them to drag you back into that relationship
Emotional driving factors
– You could be forgetful. Only highlighting positive moments.
– Loneliness. If you’re lonely you’re more prone to fall back into something bad. If you’re lonely try to have more people around you.
Keep in mind is that who a woman is determined by her actions. Understand what the narcissist did was their fault. They are to blame for what they did. However it was your fault for ignoring the red flags, let them negatively impact your life, not setting boundaries, lowering your standards, tolerating BS instead of cutting them out. That’s 100 percent on you.
